Pleasure to Meet You.
I'm D. James.
Connection is my kink.
Well that, and delayed gratification. But I digress.
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From as early as I can remember, people told me I felt safe.
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I assumed "safe" meant my only option was to be the proverbial Nice Guy, the dependable Good Son, and the predictable Sweet Boy. Being "safe" was safe (and easier), so I became passive in my own life, outsourcing responsibility for myself.
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It never occurred to me that I had disconnected from who I could become.​ But here’s what I’ve learned since:
Connection is born at the intersection
of Hospitality and Dominance.
Hospitality is the sacred art of care—establishing the perfect setting, building mystery, and anticipating needs before they're spoken.
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​Dominance is the sacred act of presence—creating trust by widening empathy, listening like you mean it, syncing to breath, holding time, and shaping sensation.​
Together, they create the conditions
for surrender and transformation through communication & connection.
​I began this discovery in restaurants. My great-grandfather served the Queen, my grandfather was a boss in London’s 1960's dining scene, and my father built a hospitality empire in Los Angeles. Dutifully, I followed them into the business and found my initiation.
Hospitality, I soon realized, isn't servitude—it’s something far more powerful. It is a space for connection.
To hold a room, respond to the unsaid, build suspense, and orchestrate experiences so powerful that people willingly surrender with abandon—that’s connection in its highest form.
​But while I could create magic in the dining room, I had little power anywhere else.
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My 15-year marriage had gone sexless under the weight of silence about our desires.
My relationship with my parents was corroded by resentment and financial trauma.
The creative career I once dreamed of felt discarded out of fear before it ever had a chance.
My body carried 50 extra pounds, my blood pressure spiking to dangerous levels.
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This wasn't the man I thought I would become—
my inner boy ashamed, my nervous system my enemy.
Wasn't "safe" supposed to be safe?
Turns out, safe was killing me.
That's when I finally chose my own path—to become a Dominant. Along the way, I discovered:
The power to communicate with myself & reveal who I truly was inside.
I entered a holistic training ground of meditation, breathwork, therapy, men’s groups, martial arts, journaling, nutrition and hydration, psychedelics, spiritual awakening, BDSM, tantra, and good old-fashioned discipline. There were no shortcuts.
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Each practice stacked on the last, dragging the resentful shadow of the Nice Guy into the light, reconnecting me to my authentic power within—stable, structured, and yes...safe.
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I rebuilt my body, rewired my mind, transformed my relationship with my parents, found my spiritual path, reignited my career, and rekindled my marriage with my wife Amy into a sacred union filled with eros, intimacy, and play. I am so deeply proud and grateful.
Becoming Dominant allowed me to finally understand what "safe" meant all along—that I can trust myself to live a fully expressed, high-integrity and intentional life. Embodying Hospitality allows me to extend that trust outward, creating containers where others can do the same.
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Today, my life itself is the container: an ongoing experiment in the balance of care and presence that I refer to as...